SINCE
BECOMING A MUM I'VE FOUND THE QUESTION, "SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH
YOUR LIFE?", A LOT HARDER TO ANSWER THAN IT EVER WAS BEFORE. IS IT JUST
ME OR DOES IT OFTEN FEEL AS THOUGH THE RESPONSE, "I'M A MUM" IS SIMPLY
NOT GOOD ENOUGH? IT'S A BIT OF A SLAP IN THE FACE TO HAVE YOUR EFFORTS
GO UNRECOGNISED, PARTICULARLY WHEN YOU'RE STARTING TO FEEL AS THOUGH YOU
NEVER STOP. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT EVERYBODY ELSE BUT FOR ME
THIS PARTICULAR ISSUE HAS TRIGGERED COUNTLESS INTERNAL RANTS. ALTHOUGH
IT'S EMBARRASSING TO CONFESS, IT'S TRUE, I WOULD STAND THERE IN THE
KITCHEN, THINKING UP ENTIRE DEFENSES FOR MYSELF. "I'M WORKING HARD. I
DON'T TAKE BREAKS, I'M SLEEP DEPRIVED AND TRYING MY BEST. WHY CAN
NOBODY UNDERSTAND THIS, OR IS IT JUST THAT NO ONE CARES?"
AS
SOON AS YOU HAVE A CHILD, YOU ARE THROWN INTO THIS WHIRLWIND OF
"DOING". EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE DONE FOR YOUR BABY AND YOU FIND
YOURSELF SO BUSY AND SO TIRED, A LOT OF THE TIME YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH YOURSELF. WHAT EXHAUSTED AND STRESSED ME OUT THE MOST
WAS THE FACT THAT I WAS STRUGGLING, IMMENSELY, TO
KEEP ON TOP OF EVERYTHING BUT SIMPLY UNABLE TO SAY THE WORDS, "SOMEBODY
PLEASE HELP ME". I WANTED THINGS TO BE PERFECT. I WANTED EVERYTHING I
HAD PLANNED TO GET DONE, TO BE DONE, AND WHEN THEY WEREN'T I SECRETLY
FELT AS THOUGH I HAD FAILED BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I REFUSED TO ADMIT
IT. I WANTED TO PRETEND THAT EVERYTHING WAS OKAY, THAT EVERYTHING WAS
AS CLOSE TO BEING PERFECT AS IT COULD BE. MOTHERHOOD WAS ALL SO NEW, SO
UNFAMILIAR AND SO HARD. IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO REALISE THAT IT WASN'T
JUST ME WHO WAS FINDING IT DIFFICULT, IT WAS EVERY NEW MUMMA.
AS A YOUNG MUM, (I WAS ALMOST 22 WHEN MY SON WAS BORN) I HAD ANOTHER ISSUE
HANGING OVER MY HEAD. FROM THE MINUTE I DECIDED TO KEEP GABE, AND NOT
OPT FOR AN ABORTION, I'D FELT AS THOUGH PEOPLE WERE, IN A SENSE, WAITING
FOR ME TO FAIL. I WANTED TO PROVE THEM WRONG. EVEN THOUGH, LOOKING
BACK ON IT NOW, I'M SURE A LOT OF THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS I WAS HAVING
WERE ONLY IN MY HEAD AND A REFLECTION OF MY OWN PARANOIA. I HAD THIS
SENSE OF DETERMINATION TO DO A GOOD JOB, TO BE A GOOD MUM AND TO MAKE
EVERYTHING WORK AND WORK WELL. AS SOON AS GABE WAS BORN, I REALISED IT
WASN'T AS EASY AS IT LOOKED. THE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, WEEKS, MONTHS, THE
ONGOING CHORES, THE LACK OF "ALONE TIME", IT ALL TAKES ITS TOLL. I WAS
TRYING REALLY HARD NOT TO DROP THE BUNDLE AND WAS HONESTLY GIVING IT
EVERYTHING I HAD BUT STILL, THE SUFFERING WAS THERE, EVEN THOUGH I
REFUSED TO SAY SO.
IT
WAS MY LACK OF EXPRESSION AND INABILITY TO CALL OUT FOR HELP AND
CONFESS TO THE WAY I WAS FEELING THAT MADE ME FEEL TRAPPED AND
INTERNALLY BATTERED. I CAN'T PLACE ENOUGH IMPORTANCE ON OUR NEED TO BE
EXPRESSIVE, PARTICULARLY AT THE BEGINNING, WHEN HAVING A CHILD IS SO NEW
AND OVERWHELMING. WE REALLY NEED TO SPREAD THE MESSAGE THAT IT IS NORMAL TO
NOT BE DOING OKAY. IT IS NORMAL TO FEEL LIKE YOU'RE ON ANOTHER PLANET
MOST OF THE TIME (AS A RESULT OF SEVERE LACK OF SLEEP). IT IS NORMAL TO
FEEL A SENSE OF REGRET FROM TIME TO TIME. I GENUINELY BELIEVE THAT NO
FIRST TIME MUM FINDS THE EARLY STAGES EASY AND WE NEED TO STICK
TOGETHER, WE NEED TO BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER. IF WE ARE THE ONES
SUFFERING, WE SHOULD MAKE IT OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO LET PEOPLE KNOW. IF
WE'RE THE ONES FEELING STRONG AND CAN SEE OTHER MOTHERS LOSING HOPE, WE
NEED TO BE THE ONES TO HOLD OUT OUR HANDS.
PARENTING
IS LIKE A YO-YO, IT'S SO UP AND DOWN. SOMETIMES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE
THE HAPPIEST PERSON ON THE PLANET AND OTHER TIMES YOU JUST, DON'T.
FEELING CRAPPY IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF, IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL. THE
IMPORTANT THING IS TO FIND A GOOD, SOLID, METHOD OF COPING, ONE THAT
YOU CAN REFER TO WHENEVER YOU'RE FEELING LOW.
I
THINK WE ALL REACH A POINT, WHERE WE BEGIN TO SEE THINGS THROUGH
CLEARER SHADES. FOR ME, AS SOON AS I BEGAN TO REALISE THAT OTHER
PEOPLE'S NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS WERE INSIGNIFICANT, I FOUND
MYSELF FEELING STRONGER AND LESS WEIGHED DOWN BY THE FEAR OF "WHAT
PEOPLE MIGHT THINK". FINALLY, I BEGAN TO UNDERSTAND THAT BOTH MY WELL
BEING AND ABILITY TO BE A GOOD MOTHER WAS BEING COMPROMISED BY MY LACK
OF BOTH POSITIVITY AND SELF LOVE. I THINK IT TAKES ABOUT THE FIRST FOUR
OR FIVE MONTHS TO GET YOUR SLEEP BACK (OR AT LEAST SOME OF IT!) AND TO
START PUTTING A ROUTINE IN PLACE. BY THIS STAGE YOU'RE ACTUALLY ABLE TO
SIT DOWN AND CONTEMPLATE LIFE, IF ONLY FOR A MINUTE OR TWO, IN ORDER TO
GAIN AN UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR EMOTIONS. DURING THIS TIME YOU CAN START
TO PIECE THINGS BACK TOGETHER, FIND YOUR STRENGTH AGAIN AND VISUALISE A
FUTURE THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD.
NOT
EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A NEW PARENTS AND NOT EVERYONE
IS ABLE TO COMPREHEND THE OFTEN CRIPPLING CHALLENGES YOU GO THROUGH IN
AN ATTEMPT TO DO THE RIGHT THING BUT WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT, IS THAT A
LOT OF PEOPLE DO. A LOT OF COMPASSIONATE AND CONCERNED PEOPLE OUT THERE
UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH AND ARE MORE THAN WILLING
TO OFFER YOU THEIR LOVE, SUPPORT AND SOMETIMES LIFE CHANGING WISDOM.
THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO REMEMBER TO REACH OUT TO DURING TIMES OF
INTENSE DIFFICULTY. THESE PEOPLE WILL BE THE ONES WHO LEAD YOU BACK
INTO THE LIGHT, ALONG WITH THE POWER OF YOUR OWN MIND, STRENGTH AND
DESPERATE DESIRE TO MAKE THINGS FEEL REAL AGAIN.
